Conflict is an unavoidable part of life. No one is perfect and we all hurt each other because of our brokenness (yes, even you). Often the things you do and say can make the conflict worse. Ignoring it doesn’t work in the long-term either. Here is what the Bible says about conflict resolution.
Listen carefully and don't get angry quickly You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:17 Use a gentle tone and kind words A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger. But an unkind answer will cause more anger. Proverbs 15:1 Live in peace Do the best you can to live in peace with everyone. Romans 12:18 Put up with each other and forgive others Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you. Colossians 3:13 Don't bear grudges Do not be bitter or angry or mad. Never shout angrily or say things to hurt others. Ephesians 4:31 God wants us to forgive others like Christ forgave us. Christ has forgiven us a lot, so surely we can forgive someone who has hurt us. Please note, there are some things that will require professional help to work through such as abuse. A counsellor can be very helpful in working through big hurts. Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there someone you need to ask for forgiveness?
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Ephesians 5:18 says, Don’t get drunk with wine, because it makes you lose control. Instead, keep on being filled with the Spirit. This verse is talking about drunkenness, not just wine. Science backs this up. Here is a list of outcomes from being drunk:
Paul encourages us to be filled with the Spirit instead. I believe this happens by engaging in the Spiritual disciplines - prayer, reading the Bible, fellowship with other believers, worship, fasting, giving, serving, gratitude and confession. What we think, do and say comes from what we are filled with. If we are filled with popular culture, we will think, act and speak like everyone else around us. If we are filled by the Spirit, we will think, act and speak like people who love Jesus. When you are filled with alcohol, it affects your behaviour in a negative way. When you are filled with the Spirit, it affects your behaviour in a positive way. Ephesians 5:17 says, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. When I was a teenager and young adult I agonised over what God's will for my life was. What subjects did he want me to study at high school? Which university course did he want me to study? Who did he want me to date? Which job should I apply for and take? Which church did he want me to go to? You get the idea.
I eventually learned that it's really quite simple to know the will go God. When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment is in Mark 12:29-31 he said, 'you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength,' and 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' If you fulfil these two commandments, you are doing what God wants. It is my belief that there are any number of subjects, courses, jobs, partners and other optional extras that will be in God's will. The important thing is our that we are loving God and loving others. If you love God, you won't have any idols in your life or use his name as a swear word. If you love others you won't gossip, bully or exclude other people. Here are some more Bible truths about the will of God:
What areas of your life do you think are in God’s will? What areas do you think aren’t in his will? The modern church tends to ignore the discipline of fasting, possibly because it causes us the most discomfort. Fasting in the Bible spoke referred to giving up food in particular and was often accompanied by prayer. I think the principle of fasting can be applied to many different things such as social media, your phone, sugar, chocolate, television, etc. You usually give something up so that you can focus on prayer.
What can you give up for a period of time to focus on prayer and worshipping God? I went to a restaurant this week with beautiful views of the sunset. As I waited to be taken to my table, I overheard the waitress ask the guests behind me if they had a reservation. They did not and were disappointed that they were to be seated at the back of the restaurant, away from the stunning views.
As I reflected on this, I realised that eternity is a bit like that. You can't just wing it, and rock up at the end of your life (whenever that is) and expect to get the best seat in the house. You need to make a reservation. In Philippians 4:3, Paul talks about some of the people who had helped him spread the Good News about Jesus and said, Their names are written in the book of life. The book of life is like eternity's reservation book. So, how do you make a reservation to spend eternity with Jesus? 1 John 1:9 says, But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins. We can trust God. He does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrongs we have done. Nothing we can do on our own can get us there, only what Jesus did on the cross. Do you have a reservation? Whether you love her or not, you can't deny that Taylor Swift's fans aren't devoted. It occurred to me this week that being a Christian is a bit like being a Swiftie - at least it should be. I recently attended one of Taylor's concerts in Melbourne with my daughters. We spent the better part of a day on the ticketing website securing tickets, booked flights and accommodation, made friendship bracelets, planned our outfits, and listened to the set list on repeat. You could call us devoted fans.
We should be even more devoted to God because he created us and sacrificed his Son, Jesus, so that we can live eternally with him. Are you devoted to God? Do you love him? Spend time reading his Word? Talk to him in prayer? Meet together with other Christians? Spend time serving him? Lean on his strength and understanding? Acts 2:42 says, They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. The word used for devoted here means to continue to do something with intense effort, possibly despite difficulty; to devote yourself to something, to persist. (Paraphrase of HELPS Word Studies). Ephesians 5:8 says, In the past you were full of darkness, but now you are full of light in the Lord. So live like children who belong to the light. Paul didn't say we were in the darkness, he said the darkness was in us. When you decide to follow Jesus, you are filled with his light. That doesn't mean that you never sin, but we should become more and more like Jesus as we mature in our faith.
Are you full of darkness or light? Darkness = envy, greed, jealousy, gossip, hatred, violence, drunkeness, sexual immorality, idolatry, arguments, anger,complaining, bitterness, selfishness, foul language, blasphemy... Light = love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, humility, forgiveness, gratitude, faithfulness, generosity, honesty... Ephesians 5:4 says, Dirty stories, foul talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. I don't know about you but I seem to be bombarded by foul language wherever I go - work, the shopping centre, the park... Many TV shows and songs are full of foul language and crude jokes too. While I can't just not go to work to avoid the bad language, I can be careful about what I watch on TV and the music I choose to listen to.
When you're surrounded by this kind of behaviour and language, you sometimes find that it rubs off on you. Romans 12:2 says, Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. God changes us through his Holy Spirit that lives in us, through reading, studying, and memorising the Bible, through prayer, and through spending time with other Christians. Ephesians 5:3 says, there must be no sexual sin among you. Sexual sin doesn't just mean having sex before you're married. It also refers to pornography, sending nudes, oral sex, hand jobs, making crude jokes, and movies and images that make you think about sex.
Don't get me wrong, God loves sex - he invented it. But he designed it to be enjoyed as part of a committed relationship (marriage). Imagine trying to use a chainsaw to cut someone's hair. That's not what a chainsaw was designed for and someone is bound to get hurt. Sexual sin is the same. |
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